Pretty Little Things
by SkyOrihara
Summary: Adventure, action, violence and boobs. Come have a slice.
1. Miss Spicy

Let's cut the bullshit. I've gotta story for you kids, and you're gonna listen (or read whhhhaaaaaaateeeeever) and you're gonna like it.

Cause I said so, you sassy thing.

So here goes the set up. Your favorite merc is at work, keeping tabs on a shady arms dealer in Manhattan. Short, fat, curly little porn mustache and a thick Russian accent. Your usual low budget marvel baddie. He's leading his circus of idiots, moving  
/crates, shits about to go down.

I lick my lips like a sexy little piranha. Fuck you that metaphor made sense. And I wait for the right moment. I'm on the roof of the shitty warehouse this deal is going down in, watching in the wings like a goddamn ninja. I'm chomping on some muchos  
/nachos, nice and discreet like.

The deal is about to go down. Little fat Napoleon welcomes the buyer. The buyer steps outof the shadows. *Note also that the dealers thugs are all armed to the goddamn nines, which tickles my naughty parts, cause daddy loves a challenge.

Anyway the buyer comes out of the shadows and its awoman. A spicy blonde in a fur coat. She's alone by the looks of it, and has the same strong ass Russian accent. I giggle cause she sounds sexy, unlike budget cut king pin down there.

Miss Spicy Blondie says something, Napoleon retorts, baddie babble and banter. Then suddenly all his thugs got their weapons pointed at Spicy Blondie! Me being the _compassionate_ merc that I am (argue  
/with me, I dare you) I decide that now is the time to intervene.

Caught 'em by surprise. Started chopping and kicking and busting heads and in the midst of flying bullets and appendages I look for MissSpicy. I don't see her. Someone calls my name, I turn and its miss Spicy! Only she is not a blonde anymore. Now  
/she is a redhead, and she looks very angry. She's kicking ass, knocking men out and pointing to something behind me. I look and its the fat Russian asshat. I give him a good stab of my sword through his fat belly, he goes down and I giggle cause he  
/made a funny face.

Another thug tries to get me from behind, I cut off his arm and kick him in the face. The thugs are all taken out, and the Spicy Blonde turned redhead is glaring at me. It'd kind of sexy but also scary. Her coat is off, and she's wearing a swanky little  
/black dress.

Also boobs.

"This is Romanov," she says, cause she has a slick little Bluetooth on her ear "Yes but with...no it's not that it's-its Deadpool"

I try not to blush atthe way she said my name with sexy disdain.

"Right, Romanov out"

Then she comes over to me, looks me in the lenses, and I get ready to give her a badass line and maybe a little smooch.

She punches me in the face.


	2. Mr Tight Ass

Welcome back reader. Wanted more of daddy deadpools good storytelling juice? Yeah you do. I see it in your nerdy eyes.

Now where were we? Ah yes.

Miss Spicy aka Black Widow investigates the body of knock off kingpin, grabs his cell phone out the pocket of his suit.

I admit, I feel a little sheepish. I wipe a few chip specks off my suit, adjust the swords on my back.

I start to say something but outta no where comes a boom. A loud and obnoxious boom. And by boom I mean Hawkeye. Mr. Tight Ass comes and asks Widow what the hell happened. She points to me. I wave and say "Hey pal, how's it hanging?"

He scowls at me. Real intense like.

We have history.

"Hill wants to talk to you," Hawkguy tells Miss Spicy "Soon"

"Soon?"

"Now, actually"

"Shit"

Misses tosses the phone to Hawkguy, "Get that to tech at shield. See what they can do with it"

Mr. Tight Ass nods stuffs it somewhere. I don't know where so I assume it's up his ass. Just tight enough to keep it in place up there.

Black Widow gives me a side eye and my naughty bits moved a centimeter. I make a new goal ( goal-making is a new thing I'm trying, per the advice of my new therapist/ hostage but more on that later) to help Miss Spicy in a super sexy super hero team up. 

One problem though. Hawkguy gets in my mask, says real stern like "Stay out of this Deadpool. We don't you or your chaotics anywhere near this case."

"Sure"

"Sure?"

"Yup. Sure"

Hawkguy eyes me real close. I can see my easy compliance has him confused. Even so, he walks away, leaving me to my lonesome in the warehouse.

Now here's where shit gets cooking my dear reader. Before Mr. Tight Ass said a word cogs in this regenerating skull were already movin'.

Daddy's got a plan...

And a brand new cell phone.


End file.
